Jo lade deen ke het sura sohi !

Hospitals are not supposed to be likeable places, no matter how grand they appear, or how many snazzy fast food chains they may sport within their premises they still reek of sadness. So I was at a "Super Specialty" Hospital few days back waiting  to meet a  friend who was recovering from his operation and they had this small corner of the waiting room converted into temple with people sitting and praying and others reading Hanuman chalisa and other spiritual text. At first it seemed little bit filmy to me,  people praying for their dear ones in a hospital sitting on ground, all devoted, ringing temple bells ,but the intensity and desperation  made it hard for to me to mock them or even question the public display of faith. For spending time there made me realize how much people mean to each other and how much power and energy you get sitting in front of god, even if it is in gloomiest of places.
The gesture reminded me of this hair raising scene  , the song, signifying the daredevilry and spirit of the sikhs is from tv movie Tamas, based on a short story by Bhisham sahni set in the time before independence depicting the widespread communal riots and all the politics that govern them. This particular scene just leaves you awestruck. Uttara Baokar after seeing male members of the group go to fight against the rioters who have surrounded them , starts singing this battle cry by herself  and inspires the rest of ladies to join her and in a way prepare them for the big sacrifice, knowing that the rioters would get better of the group's men she arouses the whole group to go ahead and jump into well and die rather than get molested by the rioters. Every time I watch this scene I find myself speechless, awed by the strength shown by the group of ladies.Though initially while watching it I felt queasy and funny for the gravity of the situation, people fighting and killing each other outside & this maniac lady starts to get on with the song rather than prepare to attack or even help the men. Slowly as the scene unfolds you see the magnanimity of the act and the helplessness. And for a moment when you start to think it's a silly short story about which you are getting so sentimental about and then you hear the director confirming that these acts were actually performed by a group of ladies in Rawalpindi making it really bitter.
Talk about  Jewish holocausts and other western mishaps that are terrible to talk about even today, somehow I feel the above marked tragedies qualify for same kind of respect and retrospection but end up hardly ever being talked about globally .

Cold Turkey

Cold turkey is a phrase I got to know while reading Shantaram, it is basically  this phase when one tries to get rid of one's addiction. The addiction in question is usually of a grave nature like for drugs et al. Thus the efforts required to get off the addiction are intense and usually require complete cut off from the drug or the substance in question. This phase of complete refrain is called as Cold turkey. What is termed as the toughest stage in the recovery from substance abuse, Cold turkey may be called by the name due to the numbness and shivers experienced by the addict in the recovery as the body and mind still in habit of the drug completely lose it when they are not provided with the supply. But Google and Wiki may beg to differ. But as much as what I have learned  while reading and watching movies like Trainspotting and Basketball diaries is that restlessness and the desperation suffered is the origin of the phrase. Looking back at the movies, I have mentioned basketball diaries here earlier as well and Trainspotting is this weird short story turned into a movie which is good one time watch.

We all have our own- days of cold turkey, when  we are in a way addicted to some thing not necessarily drug but anything from a gadget to a habit to food to internet for that matter(to particular sites, if I may say so which may help hone our sociability quotient) and the addiction does not seem unhealthy at first. It is pretty funny thinking about getting rid of these plain little addictions of our daily life that keep on weeding on our daily routine. There comes a time when you realize how big these things in your life are and how difficult it is to get rid of them. Detachment is the first step and then is the battle against the urge, which as mentioned is detrimental. Perhaps the only leeway there with respect to drugs is the fact that we don't have to stop with our addiction at once, we can perhaps phase it out or moderate it by our ways and conviction. But as they say Old habits, die hard, one relapse or give in to the urge and we are back to scratch. The stigma with drug and other substances is what makes us look at it differently although the fact remains that any addiction is as grave as another, as is the cold turkey related with it.

Heaven and Hell.

' Only a wicked man would derive such benefit from good works. A good man, on the other hand, would simply be worn out and bad tempered'

One of those lines that makes you remember a story by. For me Shantaram, with all its thrills and the goofy love story, is rather about these words.

 Time and again i think about these line and it kills me (like the old sport Holden used to ), partly due to the abundance of time, partly due to lack of any schedule and partly due to the undeniable genuineness of the statement.  Aren't  we all doing good things to compensate for the past bad deeds?  I for one try this sort of cleansing exercise because there are so many past wrongs that cannot be righted that all that remains with us in order to overcome that sense of guilt is to do a good deed. We all have this dark side, filled with things we are not proud of, things that remain with us for way too long,things that propel us to and most of the time dwarf all these good deeds. In short there is hardly a deed that is bona fide per say, we all try to look for 'what is in it for me' part of any deed.

Thinking about what's there in it for me in upcoming time, pretty much everything! innit? (i always wanted to use 'innit' after watching goodness gracious me, feels like a dream come true for me *brushes away the proud tears*)  Having freedom after so long feels good, not receiving a message on the second last day of every month informing me that a certain amount has been credited to my account feels bad. There remains a lot of good and bad of this time off  that i can jot down here, but the biggest thing right now is to get over this little year long hiatus from this space and start shitting my mind out.