this is a time i really didn't wanted coz i dont know if i am fit to write or not and should i be writing here or somewhere else because i had so much in mind ,i had so much to erase or to say overlap,and so much to construct...but now its all weird ...coz i feel feeble ,dispirited and perhaps lunacy will soon creep in...coz i hardly think and think am perhaps making a little sense.All i do is lie down on bed ,sleep,read or try to write and get my mind off pc,net and tv.i watched the basketball diaries...it really killed me..i mean certain scenes were like real and distracting.. i really like this kind of stuff...real stuff ..stuff pertaining to adolescence ,young adults..i connect to these things,wish to emulate them.In the movie this guy gets into drugs and subsequently is thrown out of school,destroys his career as a basketball player and has to leave his mum and home and starts stealing in order to do drugs.there is this scene when the boy is out of money and his urge to do drugs is so much ,he goes back to his mom and persuades her to give him some..His mom knows and for his benefit declines...at this moment he's so helpless and inclined to it and cannot do without it...it really is disturbing..the desperation is too much.He's like willing to do anything for a dose of it.ultimately his mum calls 911 and the lad is taken away.Its really tough on her part...how can a mom do it,coz i dont think she did anything wrong but the fact that she was hard willed and courageous enough.i mean most of us would have given in to the cries and pants of a helpless loved one..but unfortunately the urge gets better of the guy and he indulges in sodomy and gets paid to get his share of crack .
in another scene ,there is this frend of this boy who tries to get him off the trail..in order to do so he keeps him in his home locked and all.the initial days for him without dope are like real tough..he is like losing his senses,salivating and driven crazy by the lack of drugs..he is all sweaty and crying ..seeing this stuff you feel safe,aloof and good that you haven't fallen in the pitfall.
the only good thing about the movie is the boy's skill with the pen,i mean he writes these crazy diary entries ,poems and all WHICH EVENTUALLY TAKES HIM OUT OF THE MESS AND HE MAKES HIS NAME..AND THIS IS BASED ON TRUE INCIDENTS...BY JIM CARROLL .in one of them he tries to describe one of the dreams which is quite different and how he feels after taking drugs...it all seems weird.But now when all i do is sleep and eat and recuperate,i try to remember my dreams,wish to note hem down.the one that was really weird was when i had multiple dreams and they were all like on a computer os like window and all where i could just switch into one and come out of the other,minimize them and all.it all feels crazy but dreams are crazy ..thats why they dont really happen...perhaps may happen for some..but my dreams are always like someway or the other beyond reality...kinda crazy..The one before i began writing was about how my cousin told me about the time he had jaundice,he had smallpox too and....cant really describe it all coz it went berserk after this..totally senseless .The only conclusion i have got is that they are all made up of things u talk about ,have in mind in day time ,perhaps they remain in the subconscious and take their own shape.and they always present in a way u never expect,kinda like jigsaw puzzle and the level of detail is great.. and sometimes u rue on them not being the reality and other times you wish they always be a dream ....watever DREAM ON...
